If you can't beat them, join them. (Note: For those satirically challenged, please see the definition of parody)(My opinion is pretty straightforward: I don't think it's a panacea for all the ills that face the Church, nor do I think it is a harbinger of the Inquisition. Before I ever went to Mass, I had memorized the responses of the Tridentine Mass -- thanks to these old missals lying around in the college library. I think it's beautiful, and I don't think that the motu proprio is a bad idea. I've actually participated in a Tridentine Mass only once, and my instinctive reaction was, "oh thank God for the Council." So that's a summary of where I stand.)
Rome — Pope Benedict, a former Hitler youth, will tell Roman Catholic priests in coming days that they can say mass in Latin— a dead language the no one knows anymore—as a concession to right wing extremists in the church, known as traditionalists.
The decree by the Pope, a former Hitler youth, is known as a Motu Proprio. This cryptic latin phrase can be loosely translated “I can do whatever I want because I am the Pope and you can’t stop me.”
The Latin Mass, also known as the Tridentine mass, is a product of the ‘dark ages’ and was understandably jettisoned by the reforms of the Second Vatican Council. The latin mass is said by the priest with his back to the congregation whispering secret prayers that only he can understand. In the Tridentine mass the laity does not participate at all , so they often turn to knitting, macramé, or checkers to pass the time.
The move by the Pope, a former Hitler youth, has raised concern about reviving parts of the old liturgy that Jews consider anti-Semitic, gays consider homo-phobic, women consider sexist, dwarves consider anti-dwarfic (communion rails are too high), and priests consider too difficult to learn.
The publication of this document is to be accompanied by a letter from the Pope, a former Hitler youth, to individual bishops explaining why he is doing this against their will and better judgment.
French Cardinal Singe de Reddition commented, “We are trés disturbed by this action by the Pope, a former Hitler youth. We are trés, trés upset about this. We just managed to get all these people to stop coming to church and we are trés afraid that the Churches will fill up again. If that happens, the rest of Europe is sure to look down on us, you know, the way we look down on everyone else.”
It is widely believed that the Pope, a former Hitler youth, is restoring the mass as a copout to the right wing group known as Lefebvrists and that this constitutes a complete rejection of all the reforms of Vatican II.
It remains unclear at this time, since the exact contents of the documents are still unknown, how long it will be before the Church sets up the Inquisition again. Details should be available in “a few days.”
Friday, June 29, 2007
New Dark Ages
As the Holy Father gets ready to issue another motu proprio (yes, the one that a certain section of Catholic blogosphere is going absolutely nuts over.), get ready for press reports that might surprise us (or maybe not) by not straying too far from the template of this hilarious parody. (Hat tip to Amy)