Thursday, March 29, 2007

Two months

My father died two months ago today. It turns out today is his birthday according to teethi (the date in the Hindu samvant calendar). And it's agyaras, the eleventh day of the lunar month, generally considered auspicious by many Hindus.

This will also be my last night in Baroda. Tomorrow we go to Bombay, and I'm returning to the US on April 4.

Time flies.

And when asked, "How are you doing?" I still don't know what to say.


mike said...

Know what you mean. Just today I had a flashback to 2002, which is when my dad died. Amazing how vividly present it can suddenly be.

Let me know when you're back stateside. Hope to reschedule our meeting deferred from Jan. 22.

St. Elizabeth of Cayce said...


You're right about not knowing how to answer. Sometimes I wasn't sure how I felt right after my Dad died (the stages of grief can cycle back multiple times.) I did know enough to not feel guilty if/when I felt relief; we were prepared for him to no longer be limited by the shell his body had become. What we were not prepared for (and how could we have been?), was the presence of his absence.

For years, when we lived in Texas, I could go a couple of weeks without talking to my folks and not feel any loss in the relationship. Suddenly, especially after spending nearly every day for 6 months with him, I missed my Dad each day. I wanted to share stories, to ask him his opinion, to hear him use his amazing dry wit. There was a bigger hole in my day-to-day life than I had expected.

But it's hard to give that sort of an answer when folks ask "How are you doing?" I cannot recall clearly how I answered; other than to thank folks for continuing to pray for me and my family.

We'll continue to pray for you and yours.

angelmeg said...

Two ways you can answer:

1) "I am alive." Which is honest and gives no other information. This answer is for the general public who really just want this level of answer.

2) Today I'm feeling . . ." which allows you to give whatever modifier you feel the need to use for the day. This response is for your closest friends who really care to know how you are getting along.

You will know when to use each.

Hope this helps.