Saturday, June 17, 2006

You're not married yet?

Well, most of the family (both sides. By family, one means what folks in the US call "extended family." It's all family here. And how.) knows of my crazy black-sheepness. Anyway, until word got out, there were these regular squirm times on visits. Like last August, when my dad's elder sister took me aside, and gave me a long lecture on the need to get married. "You need companionship! You don't want to grow old alone!" [Squirm, squirm. Lord, I'll die if she say anything about sex! Nod nod. Yes I hear you. No I'm not getting married. Let them (the 'rents) tell you why! You haven't heard yet?]. Now that the word has spread, the topic doesn't come up. The youngest cousin was married a couple of years back (and is soon to be a proud father. A ceremony celebrating impending baby-arrival was held earlier in the week. Blog post coming up soon!). There's talk of the older cousin's children getting married. You know, at gatherings the womenfolk start whispering about so-and-so's cousin's father-in-law's uncle's son/daughter who's so eligible. As for me, at most there's this eye-roll and head-shake, "oof, now that you've decided not to get married" and the conversation moves on.

I ain't complainin'! It's rather difficult for my non-desi friends to grasp this whole marriage pressure idea.

Here's a hilarious blog entry (via the wonderful folks at Desipundit) The woes of a 30 something bachelor.
Being the shrewd military strategist that I am, dealing with sundry cousins, aunts and uncles has been easy. Much in the manner of Napoleon and his military victories, I tackled them on a one-on-one basis and never once did I allow them to gang up against me. This strategy held me in good stead, but then Napoleon too had his Waterloo didn't he?

This happened a few months ago when all of us met in Hyderabad. I, for once, let my guard down and there I was amidst a cacophony of dear cousins, dearer uncles and dearest aunts.

First came an assault from the Left Flank by a cousin. Let's call him M. M wondered why I was mudiri poyina bendakaya laga unnavu (resembling an over-ripe, withered Okra/Ladies' Finger) and that it was high time for me to get married. It was now or never.
[snip]
I had to do something about this and fast. I said, "Look guys I am not...like that. Just that I am asexual.”

The guffaws/snickers stopped as though they had run into a solid wall.

The family went into a huddle. As it always does in moments of extreme crises.

Asexual.
Asexual!!!
What is asexual?!?!?
Does it mean...er...what does it mean? Does it, you know....

OH! MY GOD!!!! HE DOES NOT HAVE.......THEM.
Read the rest! :-)

Of course. One can always say: Hey, I converted to Catholicism. And I want to become a priest. That kinda stops the whole thing in its tracks.

2 comments:

pritcher said...

a couple weeks ago i took a trip with my parents to visit most of my mom's side of the family in michigan. to my shock, not once did anyone even ask if i was dating anyone or when i was getting hithced. these people love to tease, so something must have been wrong with them this time.

of course, the irony is that they didn't know i am getting married next may.

Gashwin said...

Holy Crap Pritcher! CONGRATULATIONS! I expect details in email ... :)

[I wonder how Brian is taking to being related to you ... :)]