Sunday, May 14, 2006

Remain in me

What an unsettled time this is. My father's illness (he was diagnosed with lung cancer recently). The fires in the parish. Packing up to spend the next three months in India. Leaving home, the city where I've lived a third of my life, the longest I've lived in any place. Before a huge life change this fall.

I've felt rudderless. Without mooring. Not sure at times, what exactly is going on, what I should feel, what's in my heart. The frenetic activity of the past few months has eclipsed that. Now however, sitting in an almost empty apartment (the bed and the broadband will be last to go ... ), everything seems raw. Old memories obscured in a corner emerge, to be regarded with fondness (or not), and then discarded, as books and papers and letters and all the accretions of time are gathered up and sorted and thrown away and boxed and moved.

It's so empty!

Two lines from today's Liturgy of the Word have bounced around in my head all day.

" ... for God is greater than our hearts and knows everything ... " (1 John 3:20)

and

"Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing." (John 15:5)

That and the powerful, evangelical, preaching of our deacon. Oh the Holy Spirit was speaking through him! And the warmth and the love of the people as we weather a crisis in the parish ... I realized with a start just how much I'm going to miss being away from a Christian community in the next three months. At least there'll be Mass near where my folks live.

If anything, I pray, that in this upcoming season, with all its uncertainty and fear, I can remain rooted in the Vine.

For without Him, I can do nothing.

5 comments:

Mark Mossa, SJ said...

G-

My prayers are with you, and your Dad. Happy departure and safe travels!

Peace,

Mark

Heather said...

I was really touched by this and I'm glad to see that your tone is optimistic. I think something that we miss in America, because a Christian community (Catholic or otherwise) is usually nearby is how important our personal relationship can be and how God is truly with us everywhere - and how we can see and find him everywhere.

I know as a person significantly more religious than I that you are well informed of this little tidbit, but I just wanted to remind you ... perhaps give you a goal - to really reach out and search for Christ's light in others, especially those of other (or no) faith. Sometimes evangelizing isn't about sharing your light with others but finding the light within others - and when occassionally appropriate - helping them to find out who and what that light is.

I wish you the absolute best of luck in your travels and hope you will continue to blog throughout your transitional summer.

Gashwin said...

Heather & Mark --- thanks for stopping by and for the prayers and support.

Heather, I agree completely -- I think what I meant was I realized just how important the support and active presence of a Christian community is, and how I'll miss it. God's presence is, of course, discernible everywhere, especially where we least expect it!

Oh I'll be blogging fo shizzle :)

angelmeg said...

G-

Because of the internet you have a global Christian community. even if you can't communicate with us we know you. We will be praying for you and holding you up.

You are not alone by any means.

Maggie

Gashwin said...

Maggie, thanks so much!