Tuesday, April 04, 2006

You know you're Catholic when ...

[Via Dogwood. Yep, definitely put a smile on one's face ... ]

You know you're Catholic when...

1. ...every time you go into your pantry you feel a strange compulsion to cross yourself and say, “Bless me Father, for I have sinned...”

2. ...guilt is your best friend, and you feel obligated to share it with others. [You know, I never got this. But then, I didn't grow up Catholic.]

3. ...You genuflect before entering your seat at the theater. [Nope]

4. ....if you only crave hamburgers and steaks on Fridays during lent and you crave fish every other day in Lent...just never on Fridays. [Ha!]

5. ...if you sneak into protestant churches, sprinkle holy water, and hide blessed medals. [ROFL!]

6. ...you can only recite the Creed when around large groups of people.

7. ...you make the sign of the cross when you pass in front of a Catholic church.

8. ...you hear the Angelus bells and begin saying the Angelus to yourself.

9. ...just about every special interest group in the country hates your guts.

10. ...you have an overwhelming compulsion to say, "And also with you," when Yoda says, "May the Force be with you." [YES!!!]

11. ...someone says they're going to KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken) and you think they are going to bingo at the K of C.

12. ...someone asks you your favorite Madonna song and you say “Hail Holy Queen.”

13. ...you hide anti-Catholic books in the library and bookstore behind other books on the shelf.

14. ...you have to remember which bottle has the holy water and which bottled has the water for drinking.

15. ...you know how to process, keeping two pews between you and the person in front, keeping lined up with your partner, walking without bobbing or swaying, and you genuflect on graduation day when you get to your seat.

16. ...you know at least 5 sins that can be committed against each of the 10 commandments.

17. ...you pray a Hail Mary when you hear a fire truck or ambulance siren.

18. ...all your children have saint names instead of names chosen from celebrities.

19. ...You have a rosary hanging from your dash.

20. ...you have a holy water fountain at your door and a religious picture and crucifix in every room.

21. ...your son calls home after being gone and the first thing you ask is have you been attending Mass.

22. …one of your crucifixes has five years worth of dried out palms stuck behind it.

23. ...they know you at every Catholic bookstore in the area, and ask you where you've been if you haven't stopped by in a while.

24. ...you measure your life by the number of Popes who have come and gone.

25. …after making the Sign of the Cross at the start of the Rosary, you say "Bless us O Lord and these Thy gifts..."

26. ...you spend the first five minutes of the day untangling your scapular from your Miraculous Medal.

27. ...you have a St. Christopher medal in you car.

28. …you know more than 15 recipes for preparing tuna fish.

29. …you refer to other religions as "Non-Catholic".

30. ...you carry prayer cards in your purse or wallet.

31. ...You know a family whose every daughter has Mary, or every son has John Paul either as the first or middle name.

32. ...your coworkers point out that you have something on your face and as they go to wipe it off for you, you duck and scream, "No, they’re my ashes!!"

33. ...you know when Advent and Lent begin and what day is Easter.

And for you Generation X-ers

You know you're a Gen-X Catholic when...

34. ...one of your earliest memories of Mass involves watching four teenage girls with long, straight hair strumming guitars.

35. ...one of your earliest memories of Mass involves watching four teenage boys with long, straight hair strumming guitars.

36. ...there were more felt banners bearing hippy slogans in your parish church than statues.

37. ...you never understood why the priest kept rearranging everything and removing things from the church all the time: statues, confessionals, kneelers, etc.

38. ...you wondered why some of the old ladies put doilies on their heads in church. What was that all about?

39. ...you think an historic church is one with kneelers. [Thankfully, this is changing!]

40. ...Friday was "hamburger night" at your house.

41. ...you were a girl altar server in the 70's or 80's, and didn't realize that you were breaking the rules.

42. ...growing up, you only knew of one family that used NFP...and they were Presbyterians.

43. ...in all your years of Catholic school, you never had a nun for a teacher. Oh, and ruler? What on earth are you talking about?

44. ...you heard older people talking about a "Baltimore Catechism", but you never actually saw one.

45. ...Seven Cardinal what???

46. ...your 9th grade religion class included learning the Our Father and the Hail Mary, because most of the kids in class didn't know those two prayers.

47. ...you've heard the words "Benediction" and "Vespers" but aren't really sure what they mean. But you can sing the sappy “Kumbaya” and “On Eagle’s Wings” with no problem.

48. ...you wonder why some people receive communion on the tongue.

49. ...you think Extreme Unction is a new professional wrestling show on TV.

[Drumroll for the best ... ]

50. ...your overall religious instruction left you with impression the only mortal sin was first degree murder and/or judgmentalism: everything else is venial and therefore irrelevant.


Anonymous said...

It's actually scary how much of the first 33 I do...anyway, thanks for the laugh!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the post! The last ones are so sad! This is my first year teaching religious Education (7th grade) so please pray that I can reach these 26 children and through them, their families. If we all become teachers, we can educated this generation and re-educate their parents.