[I'm afraid my non-Indian readers will simply not get this. Sorry y'all! But this is just too hilarious to pass up! And right on as well!]
You know you are a Catholic.... when?
You and your girlfriend are "friendly".
You've never had a grandmother, you've always had a Nana. The same goes for
You jive to hip-hop.
Bastard is baashturd. And baashturd is always preceeded by bleddie.
And if the DJ doesn't play the "masala" he's a bleddie baashturd and u feel
like jhaaping, clipping or tanning him.
The first thing you ask another Catholic is "which parish?" (Oh so true! I never knew what to say -- since I'm not really a mac. You know, a bleddie convert, men.)
Mazgaon is mazgon, Mahim is mayhim, borivali is brivli, bandra is banruh.
And you are a Mayhim boy or a Banruh girl.
Every sentence you say ends with "men". And most sentences you say begin
with "cheh men".
Women are "chicks" and men are "buggers". (Not at all the same connotation as in the UK!)
It's okay if you skipped your best friend's birthday, but Sunday 9 o'clock
mass, have to go men, to meet da chicks and da buggers.
You utter 9 F**ks per 3 words (oh how true this is! "Bleddie mac punctuation" I used to call it.)
You know at least one person in Vasai, Borivali I.C. colony and Orlem, each.
The old people in the family call you "puta" of sonna¨ or my girl¡¨
Portugal is your favourite European country.
You know 13 Savio's and 7 Seans. (Shawns).
You've been living in Bombay all your life, but you're actually from Goa or
You never say Mumbai.
You'll skip the world cup final but not the Christmas dance.
You love going to the local "fete" to watch the parish king and queen
Irritating person = swine.
When you disagree you say "balls".
You can't play cricket to save your life, but you rock at football (i.e. soccer).
You don't like Remo too much, but if a non-Catholic doesn't like him, you'll
kick his a** for it.
Your Hindi is a little better than Michael Jackson's (ROFLOL!)
You claim you can't speak Konkani, but in reality, you can use it to win the
Nobel Prize for literature. (Hmm, this only applies to true Makapaos, i.e. Goans.)
Christmas is not happy, it's merry.
Suits are black, dark blue and grey. Only.
On a Saturday night, you want to go out for a "cupple-a-beers" men.
Sunday is chicken curry day.
Your freezer is filled with last years Sorpotel, which if u heat and eat
with pao no, it's damn tashty men. (Sorpotel is always damn tashty!)
You prefer chicken patties to chicken lollypops. (I disagree! All the macs I know love chicken lollypops!)
When you order pav bhaji, you eat more pav than bhaji.
If you're Goan you hate Mangies (Mangaloreans) and vice-versa. Both Goans and Mangies hate East-Indians a little.
East Indians are people who've always been living in west India, and have
nothing to do with the west indies.
Your bar has an okay amount of booze. 365 days of the year. And you always
"have some wine also men" for the women who don't drink.
You didn't watch Sholay but you've seen "The Passion of the Christ". In a
theatre. Twice. You think Mel Gibson is such a nice man. (I really can't comment on the last, since "The Passion" came out long after I left the reaches of Catholic Bombay! But not having watched Sholay? Oh yeah!)